When will I become like you?

It’s not even 8am yet and I’m already feeling guilty and am in a terrible mood. On Instagram freshly made up faces are smiling at me, Twitter is full of updates about kilometers people have just run, and my Facebook newsfeed is taken up by photos of the first breakfast tables of the day. It’s always a bright white table with a charming china bowl. Filled, of course, with nothing but healthy nuts, fruits in juicy berry colours and a freshly pressed oh-so-healthy-and-energising orange juice or a latte with perfect frothed milked and chocolate-dusted heart. Do you guys make all this yourselves?Do you have a latte-heart-shaped-chocolate-dusting machine? Or do you go out for breakfast everyday? That would soon add up. 2,80 times 20…. Hang on, I need a calculator….84 Euros! That’s the cost of a jumper from COS! Next to the perfect coffee there’s always an iPad casually lying there with some social media account opened. This sight is depressing enough, since my breakfast table doesn’t look like that at all and probably never will.

But what’s worse that pictures of the sun rising, which make me think ‘when do you people sleep? Weren’t you at that super hip party last night until 2am?’, are the picture’s titles. ‘Hello Wednesday!’, ‘Healthy breakfast!’, ‘#vegan’ or ‘work can start!’. This effortlessness makes me feel uneasy. What am I doing wrong? My outfit of the day at 8am would definitely not include 12cm heels and a Louis Vuitton bag slung over my shoulder, but would rather look as follows: I’m sitting at my desk in my baggy jumper with coffee stains all across my front (can someone please turn coffee-stained clothing into a trend???). My hair is tied back with an ugly plastic clip so that the anti-aging cream I slapped on can soak in properly. I need that cream even if I don’t go to super hip parties until 2am. I rub the last sleep from my eyes, have applied toothpaste to my spots and am surrounded by chaos. That’s another thing I don’t get. Instagram is full of stylish apartments with heavy wooden tables and always, always impeccable cut flowers, mostly tulips. The flowers are lit up by the sun falling through linen curtains in a 45° angle that creates a beautiful romantic atmosphere. The whole thing could be a cover feature from Living at Home. Certainly not a sight to be found at my place! My flat in the back of a courtyard is never flooded with sunlight. That’s why my kitchen table never sees flowers. They’d die after 24 hours anyway. Perhaps that’s why I’m unable to post anything about being happy and awesome in the morning. I just don’t have any feel-good hormones from the sun! I don’t have a white table cloth either, just the old plastic one my grandmother gave me, covered with pen marks and coffee stains, as well as a few spinach leftovers from the day before. So that’s how I sit there, day in, day out, asking myself why I can’t manage the perfect coffee froth and the freshly cut flowers. I’m a bit jealous, but hey, sometimes I eat a whole pepper for breakfast #vegan! That’s a start.

I’m lucky I live in Berlin and my imperfections often go unnoticed. I recently visited friends in Munich and for some strange reason forgot to take the nail varnish off two of my nails before I left the house in the morning. So I was walking around all day with bright red nail varnish on my thumb and pinkie. When my friend discreetly looked at my nails I blushed. Then she asked hesitantly: ‘ Is that a new hipster trend in Berlin to just put nail varnish on two nails?’.

Maybe that coffee stain trend idea isn’t that far off after all. I simply need to start wearing my baggy jumper in public. But freshly cut flowers on my kitchen table? Forget it….
PS: Send me a picture of your work breakfast! But only, if it looks like shit ;)